Bumper-sticker truth, for those following the Fat Man’s caravan

In looking over some recently-created right-wing bumper stickers, and listening to some people blather, I’ve stumbled across a reality gap: there is the truth according to right-wingnuts, and there is the truth that most of the rest of us (who aren’t terminally liberal) can see.

To wit (or maybe the lack of it):

“Obamanomics: Trickle Up Poverty” — So what are you complaining about? 

“Republican because not everybody can be on welfare” — Well yes, Republicans-only welfare is possible if we cling to Bush’s policies for much longer.

“So how’s that ‘hope’ and ‘change’ working out for you?”  — I’m thinking maybe they will eventually work out better than ‘no hope’ and ‘no change.’

“Green is the new Red” — Yes, of course: Democracy has always depended on destroying the planet, and communism has always been earth-friendly!  Sure!

“Welcome to America!  Now speak English, pay taxes, and get a job!” — I thought the trouble was that too many immigrants were  getting jobs and not paying as much in taxes as they were using in public services.  Cheap labor, you see.  And to get everyone to speak English, you’ll have to get the nice, conservative corporations who have donated so much money to the Republicans to do that first.  Globalism, you know.

“Redhead Gun Lovers for Palin and McCain Shoot More Meat” — My comment on this is too nasty even for this blog.

“Impeach Obama” — for what?

“Obama is a socialist” — Before I answer this one, you have to accurately define “socialist” in your own words :-).

“I’ll keep my money, my freedom, and my guns and you can keep the ‘change'” — Gosh, I thought if you had enough money and freedom, you didn’t need guns or change.  My mistake.

“The Civil Cold War — Overcome Obamunism” — Huh?

“I’ll Give Your President the Same Respect You Gave Mine” — And here I thought this country had only one President for everybody.  My mistake.

“Guns Don’t Kill People, Socialist Democrats Do” — You must be from Germany.  Welcome to the U.S.!  Things are a little different here, as you no doubt have already noticed.

“How many Democrats does it take to waste your taxes, but not pay theirs?”  — Same answer as for Republicans.

“If I knew this would happen, I would have picked my own damn cotton” — Oh, how witty…except that Obama is not descended from slaves.

“Palin 2012: Change You’ll Be Begging For” — Don’t do it!  Nothing is worth taking your own life!

“The Leftest Propaganda Machines are Guilty of Treason” — Sure.  So is whoever came up with the idea of wiretapping millions of Americans, torturing prisoners, Fox News, and oh yes — the Fat Man.

“Socialism: Controlfreakonomics” — You must be talking about Bush bailing out the bank(er)s.

There’ll be more to come later (I’ll do a piece on left-wingnut bumper stickers, if I can find any; as of right now, the search is coming up rather thin).  But hopefully, you’re starting to get the idea — that is, if you can get that brown smear off your windshield.

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