The economy’s in a shambles.  Our heathcare system is in ruins.  The weather sucks.  Gas prices remain a bit high.  Amphibians are perishing in droves from the chytrid fungus.  Bees are disappearing.  A few of us have swine flu..

..and the wingnuts are getting upset about freaking MUSTARD?

Well, it depends on what kind it is.  You see, if it’s a chemical unrelated to mustard like mustard gas, then it’s okay, except that the last bit of that in possession of the U.S. military has apparently been destroyed — darn.  Wingnuts are such fans of this type of thing.

But if it’s Grey Poupon and Barack Obama uses it on a hamburger…watch out!  It’s freaking UNAMERICAN!

Too bad for the dimwit crowd that it’s made by Kraft, in North America (which I assume means Mexico) out of mustard seeds likely grown in Canada.  This makes it as American as any manufactured item gets these days, thanks to Mr. Bush’s ‘global economy.’

I like dijon mustard (which is what Grey Poupon is) too, only I eat the horseradish version licenced by Jack Daniels, which has as much to do with France and being anti-American and “elitist” as does Grey Poupon.

While I’m at it, I should mention that a now-deceased relative of mine, a hyper-patriot who performed a solemn flag-raising ritual every morning at dawn (and flag-lowering ritual every dusk) and fancied himself a WWII hero and actually did see combat in Europe, referred to regular ‘American’ mustard as “that yellow stuff,” (see “chemical unrelated to mustard” above) and would only eat Grey Poupon.

So here’s to hoping that the inbreds get over it and try to think for a change.  Maybe some Jack Daniels and a Kraft cheese sandwich with friggin Grey Poupon will help them calm down enough to do so. 

If that doesn’t work, I hope they don’t forget to wear their fluffy bunny slippers while watching Fox News.