Below Zero

It’s said that once you hit bottom, there’s no place to go but up — or you could restate that as “start from zero.”  But when you enter Rod Blagojevich into that equation, for the first time negative numbers seem entirely possible.  Unfortunately, while this may be a fair allegory for a confused math student, it’s good for very little else.

Anyway, here’s what happens when you hit bottom and somehow manage to keep on sinking: Blags is now apologizing, but not really, for saying that he grew up blacker than “this guy” Barack Obama (you know, “this guy” who stole Blags’ ticket to the White House)…or something like that.  And he’s reiterating his great love for the people of Illinois.  As I’ve said before, we wish the thrill were gone because we don’t love him back.  Period. 

(On that note, here’s a gem from today’s WGN Chicago Breaking News site at

Say what you will about the Esquire interview, but there’s no mistaking that in Blagojevich’s mind, he truly is innocent.  Adam  and the rest of the former governor’s legal team have said they have no problem with Blagojevich proclaiming his innocence and shouting his version of truth from the rooftop.

 “They stole me away from the people of Illinois,” he told the magazine. “Now that’s the truth, OK?”

Jeff Coen and Stacy St. Clair

To which I add that whoever the thieves are, I thank them.)

Back to Blags’ continuous gaffes, I understand he also referred to Lisa Madigan, Illinois Attorney General (who has managed to avoid scandal and thus, still has a political career, quite like Obama and quite unlike Blagojevich) as a…starts with C ,ends with T.  I don’t believe he even half-heartedly apologized for that, and no surprise that nothing much has been said about it.  After all, misogyny is more okay than racism.

The basic truth that all this illustrates is that in Illinois we wish that Blag’s career would simply turn out to be the trailblazer for one Sarah Palin, who now seems to be descending, albeit with irritating slowness, into the same Jerry Springer-type abyss — and that somehow their careers in negative numbers will become both an example and a lesson for all who follow. 

Alas, the U.S. now has an entire political party made up of crazy people — the Teabaggers — and crazy is almost passing for normal these days.  This does nothing but help Sarah, who has long since learned to babble free-floating right-wing catchphrases and grin vapidly while the muttonheads applaud; this has even led her to a new career as a Fox News commentator.  It does nothing at all for Blags, who is stuck in the ’70’s and can’t seem to mumble anything but a jumble of civil rights slogans that obviously mean nothing to him.  That means he is not the right kind of crazy, because teabaggers think that stuff is socialist/communist/Nazist/whateverist.  And so there is no bounce-back for him and he’s hurtling into the bottomless pit much faster than Palin.  I mean, she got a big job as a commentator and all he got was a precarious gig on a reality show.  Dang.

Anyway, to Blags I give the Stupid of the Day Award.  Take a bow, asshole.  It will be the last thing you win for a long time.

%d bloggers like this: