In need of explanation

I’ve had a lot of time to contemplate lately, so you’d think I’d have figured some of this stuff out.  However, there are things I don’t think I’ll ever understand, such as:

(1) Why is it so admirable that one of the top right-wing radio slack-jaws claims to be a “Constitutional lawyer” when at the same time it is so awful that Obama is a Constitutional lawyer?

(2) Why is it so okay that Sarah Palin knows nothing about anything and keeps proving it, and so awful that Obama has an education and sometimes uses it?

(3) During the last months of the ’08 Presidential campaign, why was it so okay that Sarah Palin had done nothing but fail at a series of public offices, but not okay that Obama had no prior Presidential experience (after all, McCain still hasn’t any and God forbid Ms. Palin gets anywhere near the White House).

(4) There’s currently a “petition” going around to have a law passed to require people to take drug tests before receiving welfare.  Now, think this through: how is this supposed to work?  And what will we do about all those people who are out earning a living while abusing drugs?  Does getting a paycheck make it okay?  Why?  They’re still doing something illegal, aren’t they?  What about the people who make a living pushing drugs?  I’m not just talking about illegal drugs, but pharmaceuticals like that stuff you use to make your eyelashes darker or thicker or whatever the hell it is?  (I will be writing an article about this issue in the near future.)

(5) This one is going to get me labeled a “racist,” but I don’t get it that people who are living here and are not citizens or legal residents of this country (and in many cases don’t want to be) can have the nerve to demand their “rights.”  Sorry honeys, you have as many rights here as do U.S. citizens living abroad — not many.  No reason for it to be different here.

(6) If you are sitting there fuming that I’m a racist, tell me which race I am discriminating against with that remark.  I already know your answer, and because of that I get to call you a racist because you automatically made that assumption.  I’m not a racist, Hoss, and illegal aliens do not come from only one “race.”  In fact, where I live, most of them come from eastern Europe.  And I’m eastern European.

Now will you explain #5 to me — in non-racist terms, please?  Can you?  I’m waiting.

(7) I don’t understand why people keep trying to rehabilitate George W. Bush’s image. I read an article the other day about how he’s suddenly so popular…right.  He screwed up this country and most people I know are still well aware of that.  They hardly miss him.  If Bush’s P.R. firm thinks we’re going to elect Jeb Bush as President if they can convince us that Georgie was so wonderful, then they need to be tested for drugs.

(8) The other day I heard something that indicated that the Republicans are going to introduce a bill to outlaw “death panels.”  That’s like outlawing the Bogey Man.  I don’t get it.  Why do they get to waste our time and taxpayer money outlawing things that are figments of their imaginations?  I guess it’s easier than tackling real issues, but still…

(8a) Maybe it wouldn’t be such a waste of legislative time and taxpayer money if we provided free anti-anxiety drugs to the Republicans?

(9) Which brings me to another thing I do not understand: the “tea party.”  How can people who do not understand the issues have any solutions for them?  Well, I have a partial answer: they don’t have any solutions.  In fact, they are against solutions.  So I’m guessing their platform is that they want to do nothing about anything.  Not very promising.

(10) And while we’re at it, I don’t get why people listen to Fox News, the Fat Man, the screech Coulter, or any of the rest.

(11) Bill Clinton…I understood some of what he was saying all along until he piped up the other day and said we need more immigrants.  I’ll have to write an article about the cruelty of his remark someday soon, because the reasons I think it is such astounding bullshit are too many for one little talking point.  (And I hear you calling me a racist again; indulge yourself, but also know that you will be dismayed at how wrong you are when you finally read what I have to say about this.)

(12) I don’t get Wall Street.  Really. Don’t. Get. It.  I guess the only fruitful line of pursuit is considering where and how did we come up with these monsters, and how can we keep from doing it again?

(13) I don’t get how people who are so dead-set against healthcare reform are also whining so much about our present system if they love it so much — unless, of course, one is a politician and had much of his campaign paid for by the healthcare industry, in which case it’s merely easier just to ignore the present healthcare system, which is what they got away with doing for many decades.

(14) I don’t get why ultra-conservative women are awarded media time.  If the world were so perfectly conservative as they wish, no one would be listening to them. As this is coming from someone who remembers the bad old days, I know what I’m talking about here.  Not long ago, women were the exception to the rule — and exceptions are not offered much of a voice, believe me.

(15) I don’t get why it is if a Democrat has a less than sterling private life, it’s a huge never-ending scandal, but if a Republican turns out to be Mr. Sodom, it’s someone else’s fault or the “liberal media” is picking on him.

(16) And while we’re at it, where is this “liberal media?”

There’s much more than I have time for, but those are the major points for this morning.   Yes, there should be a “stupid of the day” award here, but there are so many candidates that I don’t know who to give it to first.  So all I can say is, whoever resembles these remarks should take a bow.

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