9 Day Traffic Jam?

I just read about the 9-day traffic jam going on in China and the relative calm of those who are stranded.  Oh, the imagination went wild.  Just ponder what would happen if that were to occur in the U.S.:

At least one person would get shot. (Gotta love those guns.)

Someone would deliberately, “out of frustration,” ram their car into someone else’s and then blame the victim for not getting out of the way.

The insurance companies would declare the event to be a flood; thus, no claims would be covered.

About 70% of the traffic-jamees would sue for something or other.

If the traffic jam were in Illinois, IDOT would proceed with planned roadwork anyway.

Every news organization in the country would run from car to car asking the stranded, “how do you feel about this?”

A reporter would happen on 10 large families of illegal immigrants crammed into one minivan with a broken axel and no air conditioning.  The reporter would ask them, “how do you feel about this?”

The Republicans would blame the Democrats.

Someone would have a heart attack.

Cries of “racism” would be heard everywhere.

Some nincompoop would try to steal a car and then realize that there was no getaway route.

Purses would be snatched; hubcaps would be pilfered.  Gas would be sucked out of tanks with staws.

There would be at least 45,000 fistfights.

Sarah Palin would tweet that our forefathers would never accept Obama creating this traffic jam.

The Red Cross would attempt to serve food, only to discover that 90% of the traffic-jamees were allergic to it and/or were on some sort of diet and couldn’t have any sodium, fat, sugar, carbs, meat, dairy, nuts, fruit, vegetables, caffeine, or fiber.  The food would be consumed by the remaining 10% — the morbidly obese.

The Red Cross would quit in disgust after receiving 45,000 special orders (“hold the pickle, hold the…”).

The right-wing radio screamers and Fox News would hint darkly about a Muslim terrorist causing it all.

Someone would discuss the possibility of sending in helicopters with giant magnets to remove cars from the middle of the jam.

Most people would run out of gas.  The only nearby gas station would raise its prices to $20.00 per gallon.

Someone would have a baby.

Everyone would have a cow.

The traffic jam would continue for another month while a study was conducted and BP hired a new PR firm.

Advertisements
%d bloggers like this: