Black-tie meowing

I didn’t watch the Golden Globes. I probably won’t watch the Academy Awards. As a rule I am hard-pressed to name the names-du-jour. But sometimes, just out of a sort of morbid curiosity, I look at the best-dressed and worst-dressed lists that instantly pop up on the Internet moments after some red carpet is empty, and sometimes well before.

Today I looked at the pictures of (mostly) actresses at the Golden Globes — both best and worst dressed — and as usual, with few exceptions I had no idea why some were “best” and others were “worst.”

There was one dress on the “best” list that looked like mustard-colored vomit, and another that resembled a either a severely chopped-off 1950’s party dress (the teenage version) or a really stupid-looking tutu; I couldn’t look at it long enough to decide which. Still another was of a color that matched the wearer’s so well that both were nearly invisible — but one of the dresses on the worst-dressed list also matched that description, and was on the worst-dressed list for that reason.

Several of the dresses on the “worst-dressed” list weren’t awful enough for any such award. To be sure, a couple of the actresses were wearing stringy, uncombed hairdos that made one wonder why their hairstylists hate them so much; others were criticized for having hair that was too elaborate. It’s also for sure that a couple of the dresses were just plain stupid, especially the one with the open front that showed off what appeared to be a very utilitarian white long-line bra. But the rest of the dresses were okay, as far as I could see. At least they covered up the illegal bits. And that’s all clothes are for, after all — even at the Golden Globes, and even when your subjects are predominantly female.

What’s a girl to do? Why can’t they just decide to look stupid (or not) in public, and be left in peace? Yes, this attire was and is a waste of resources, but other than that, is there any threat to world peace here? Any political corruption? Did anyone die because of an ugly dress (or not) on the red carpet at the Golden Globes?

I’m convinced that only certain gay boys get really excited about this sort of thing. Why it’s inflicted on the rest of us is what I wonder. No one forced me to look at the lists, but no one forces you to look at a train wreck, either. The question is why it happened in the first place — and if it had to happen, why couldn’t it make a shred of sense unless one called it by its rightful name? In the case of the train wreck, that name is “disaster;” in the case of best-and-worst-dressed lists, the proper title is “misogyny.”

I’m all for peace and love, so let’s have more cute cat videos instead. At least when you’re dealing with actual cats, cattiness is understandable.