Goodbye, Blagojevich

In all his ranting, the soon-to-be-ex governor of Illinois got one thing sort of right: the fix is on. He’ll likely be out of office by the end of the week.

I’ve been silent about this because there’s nothing more to say except that it’s not fix, it’s just fact: no one knows what color the sky is on the govenor’s planet anymore, but it isn’t the same color as the sky over Illinois. Even if he only violated ethical notions and not actual laws, he is clearly unfit to govern — and that’s the only yardstick the Illinois constitution requires. And so, with the same speed that they usually show when going on recess, the Illinois Legislature is very, very close to getting rid of him. This is something I can give Blags credit for, because normally (outside of running out the door on recess) it takes this bunch years to pick up a dropped paperclip. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that they bequeath the actual act of legislation to their yet-to-be conceived great-grandchildren.

Blags, meanwhile, has decided to ignore the proceedings and has gone on a nonsensical media blitz that will do nothing to forestall the inevitable, and may in fact hasten it. How can anyone remain governor if they have total disregard for the constitution of their own state? Okay, never mind about George Bush just yet. He comes up in the paragraph after the next.

Like I said, we’re not even sure what Blags is blathering about. I keep hearing things that sound like, “I am doing this for the people of Illinois.”

If that’s the case, here’s a message for Blags: Oh, thanks. Having you do it all for us is like having a car thief pull your Mercedes out of a ditch. The people of Illinois don’t want you, Rod. You’ve got a nearly 0% approval rating. That’s amazing. I’ve never heard of anything like that before. Even George Bush managed to hang on to about 20% of the delusionals in spite of the fact that he ignored warnings of a terrorist attack, started two hopeless wars, tortured prisoners, left a city in ruins, and finally sacked the global economy (the list goes on, but this article is not about Bush). All you’ve done, Gov, is be your obnoxious self and run the state into the poor house while cementing the notion that its name is synonymous with “corruption.” Nothing much in comparison to Bush’s accomplishments, but lookee — no one likes you. No one. You don’t even have George Bush’s 20% die-hard wingnut cushion against total anonymity. So stop being so nice to us, will you? Please?

Now back to writing for people who can comprehend what they’re reading…

Opening one’s door on a cold December morning and being slapped into handcuffs has to be an overwhelming shock, especially if one was in denial about being investigated by the Feds even though it was long known to be true. The day before, Blags could play spoiler on Barack Obama’s move into the White House, since even Blags had to know he would never make that move himself — so it was perfect, pissy revenge on the guy from Illinois who did. But the next day, all of a sudden there was only a long, messy, expensive trial and a possible jail sentence to look forward to. Oh, yes — there was also the possibility of being removed from office, and having his political career effectively voided. That’s the part which Blags has greeted with complete and utter denial.

Of course, insisting that the people of Illinois pay your legal bills isn’t going to add to your popularity, but that’s what Blags has been doing when he’s been dealing with reality at all. The rest of the time he’s been comparing himself to people like Gandhi and Martin Luther King, and would probably also put himself in the category of Jesus if only anyone could get away with that in a largely Christian country. Then again, who knows. He may make the comparison any day now; probably he just hasn’t gotten to it yet.

But this is one case where not admitting to the truth, or trying to rearrange the truth, or even trying to invent the truth, won’t change anything. Blags is finished and he has to deal with it. That he clearly can’t isn’t our problem. The state of Illinois is limping, even though it should be strutting because one of its own is now the President. It has to move on and up, and do it soon. There is no use wasting any time on Rod Blagojevich.

To quote a popular phrase, don’t let the door hit you in the testicular virility on the way out, Blagojevich. Enough, already.