Does this make me look fat?

A few thoughts on yoga pants and all…

While I hate and reject the intrusion of politicians who want to pass laws against certain items of clothing (hoodies and yoga pants are frequent targets lately), all the while yammering about “small government,” I have to admit something: some yoga pants are nothing more than tights. And tights are meant to either be worn under a skirt or some sort of pants, or in ballet class. In short, they’re underwear.

As I work with the public, I’ve seen a lot of underwear of this type, on both men and women (with men it’s usually bike shorts), and it’s strictly TMI. You know, like walking into a store with your pajamas on, which is another thing I’ve seen too much of lately. It’s cute on an infant, but if you’re older than 3…TMI. That’s all.

Other things I’ve seen too much of are cleavage (usually complete with wrinkles and moles, etc.), and chest hair, and even armpit hair. Part of the reason I hate watching basketball is armpit hair, so for me this whole thing is another case of TMI.

It’s all in the eye of the viewer, but is it a crime? Not really. Especially not if you’re one of the ones yammering about “small government” while in the next breath proclaiming that you want to see yoga pants outlawed.

Passing laws and/or getting all worked up about this stuff only causes another headache: longevity. As proof, I offer the following: the miniskirt (first seen around 50 years ago); blue jeans (the trend started among teens in the 1940’s; my mother was one of them); extra-low waistlines on jeans (first seen in the late 1960’s/early 1970’s; went extinct for a few decades before coming back with a vengeance in the 1990’s and refusing to budge ever since); and the undying underpants-sticking-out, pants 12 sizes too large look that has been around for at least 3 decades. The lesson is this: the more bent out of shape everyone gets, the longer these ideas stick around.

I think the real crime is something you can’t legislate out of existence: the current lack of decorum in our society; the very thing that makes some adults think it’s okay to go to the store in their pajamas. No, I’m not talking about donning heels and pearls and a dress (and nylons) just to run to the store for a loaf of bread…but PAJAMAS? What the hell is wrong with people like that? Has “I’m so busy that I can’t put my cell phone down long enough to talk to you” turned into “I’m so busy that I don’t have time to get dressed?”

Why don’t these people just paint, “I’m a slob” on their PJ’s and be done with it? I know: it’s too much work.

But anyway, back to yoga pants. I say if they want a law against yoga pants, then they also need a law against bike shorts. For every female restriction, there should be a similar one for males (and for pajamas — if we’re passing laws, there should be a law that no one over 3 may be seen in public in their PJ’s).

In the end, laws aren’t going to do anything but be declared unconstitutional. What really needs to happen is for people to have enough pride in themselves to know that yoga pants make their rear ends look fat.